Are You Unexperienced
by Hellfilly Deluxe
Summary: Twilight's sick of the media. So, she decides to redirect their attention to somewhere else so they'll stop coming up with lies about her! However... Rated "T" for the wind that cries Pinkie.


**A/N: Fun fact! This author's note was typed on my iPod! Anywho, this story will be a collection of seven one-shots I've left unfinished and rotting in some barren corner that I've decided to string together into one semi-cohesive story. Anyways, here's the unfinished story that inspired this...**

**ARE YOU UNEXPERIENCED  
****Written by That Gamer!  
****Part 1 Of 7: Flash! Media!**

"It's all lies," Twilight spat, throwing the tabloid Rarity brought her aside. "Look at me. Do I like pregnant to you?"

"Well... Not exactly," Rarity replied half-awkwardly.

"Not exactly?!" Twilight repeated, shocked. "That fabrication could burn down this entire library with random precession!" They were in Twilight's library at night, by the way. Where else would they be?

Rarity rubbed her chin. "Well, not to insult you, but you have put a little weight since your alicornification," she admitted with a sheepish smile. "Don't take it the wrong way, but-"

"So you believe them!" Twilight exclaimed.

"No, I don't, but-" Rarity tried to explain, but, Twilight, being the paranoid little one she was...

"How can you?!" Twilight carried on, picking up the tabloid again. "I mean, just look at this awful Photoshop job!"

"While I do concede that it's awful," Rarity agreed with a wave of her hoof, "I'm not saying that I agree with anything they're saying."

"So why'd you bring it to me if you don't agree with it?"

"I guess I wanted to see what you think of it," Rarity said.

"Well, I think this is complete bull$#!t!" Twilight snarled. She used MAGICK to throw the paper into a trash bin and set it on fire. "And know them up there, they're gonna milk this lie for every single bit it's worth!"

"I guess they didn't learn anything from _PonyVille Confidential_," Rarity joked.

"Not everypong knows of our experiences, Rarity," Twilight reminded the white dressmaker.

"I know, I know, I was just saying..." Rarity began, but it sort of devolved into a mumble.

"I know what you're saying," Twilight sighed, trying to calm down. "It's just... BUCK! I really hate these reporters!"

"Darling, don't tell me you're going to go into another rant about the media," Rarity groaned. "You've done it about twenty times this week and eight-hundred and thirty-eight times since I've known you! There's nothing else you can add on to this hatred!"

"But I know what I can do!" Twilight then said, getting a big smile on her face.

Rarity was confused. Was Twilight coming up with a harebrained scheme to get rid of something you could probably ignore, not easily, but you could at least make an attempt to? That was Rainbow Dash's job! Anyways, let's see what she had to say:

"They're focusing on me because I became an alicorn recently, right?" Twilight asked, grabbing onto both sides of Rarity.

"Urm... Probably," Rarity replied with a shrug.

"Well, that means I can direct them to something else, RIGHT?!"

"Depends on what you're steering them towards," Rarity told Twilight. "Why are you asking?"

"Because," Twilight answered slowly, her big grin getting even bigger, "I can make them focus on something that isn't me getting pregnant! Then they'll leave me and I'll never have to worry about them ever, ever, ever again!"

"I don't think that's how it works," Rarity, getting out of Twilight's grip, pointed out.

"Hush, I'm on a roll," Twilight said quickly. "Now, tell me of something that's happening."

"Well, erm, Nurse Redheart wants to quit," Rarity suggested.

"WHY?" Twilight demanded.

"Uh... She says her job's boring," Rarity explained. "Which is nonsense if you ask me. I mean, she has a well paying job, so what if it's boring? If it feeds yourself-"

"SCANDAL!" Twilight shouted. "We'll get the press hounding her and then they'll be sitting outside her house, waiting with their cameras and eating hot smoes!"

"...They're called s'mores, dear," Rarity deadpanned.

"I'm so excited, I can't think straight!" Twilight said, almost bouncing in place like she was Pinkie or something. "C'mon! Let's go get see if Nurse Redheart's doing the night shift or whatever!"

"But... But..." Rarity tried to argue, but Twilight was already dragging her along MAGICKally.

"But what, Rarity? What?" Twilight asked her dear old friend.

"Well..." Rarity really thought about hard about her next choice of words. "Do you really think they're going to hound a nurse instead of _THE NEW PRINCESS OF EQUESTRIA_?!"

"Depends on how it's worded," Twilight assured the one she was dragging.

"There's no way you could word it, darling," Rarity continued. "They're gonna focus on the bigger story, which is you."

Twilight thought it over before saying, "Nah, buck it, I'm still gonna get those idiots onto a different story so they'll get their mind off of me!"

"Whatever..." Rarity mumbled, giving up at that point. "Say, did you notice that thing on the cover right next to the thing about you being five months along?"

"No," Twilight snapped. "Why?"

"I think it said something about Nyx... And Ink Line..." Rarity then made an "eeyeh" noise, which was meant to symbolize... Y'know.

"That'll never happen!" Twilight laughed. "Never, ever, never! Now come on!"

"I don't think I have a choice," Rarity commented under her breath.

**A/N: Well, that's the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed it and the rest will be coming soon!... Maybe. Bonum nocte et fortuna.**


End file.
